| Current mood: |  indescribable |
Future...
So, I'm going through a ... questioning phase in my life. Do I really want a Ph.D.? What do I want to do once I have to find a "real job?" Am I single? Am I not single? Do I care either way? What do I want to do with my life? What is important to me?
First, a Ph.D. is only a means to an end. So, if it doesn't help me achieve my end, then I don't really want it. This leads to the other questions.
What do I want to do with my life? What kind of real job do I want? Maybe Teaching HS or college. If HS, then fuck a Ph.D. I don't need one if that's the case. If I want to teach college, then that's another thing. Research? Industry? Government Science policy? (sigh) I just don't know anymore. Hell, I never knew... I just kept staying in school avoiding this question I guess.
Then the whole relationship thing. After a number of not so successful tries at them, I've kind of given up. Are Michael and I together? I honestly don't know. He's in FL with no prospect of coming up here and I'm up here with no prospect of going down there. I honestly wouldn't move for anyone anyways. I tried that once with Jamie and that ended up about as bad as I could ever hope to imagine. Do I love him? Yes. I always have and always will. Are we meant to be together? Who the hell knows. -_-
I have come to the conclusion I do NOT need someone to make me happy though. I could be equally as happy single as with someone. I think the largest realization I've had is that I have to make myself happy... and thankfully I've learned to be happy alone. I know what I enjoy and do what I enjoy. I like reading books. I like being at home . . I like being with friends .. watching movies. There are lots of things I like and none of them involve needing someone to "share my life." It'd be nice to share my joys in life with someone ... but I'm not going to worry about being alone and having no one.
Anyways.... they fucked up my paychecks last week... Going with Erica now to see if they have that shit fixed. -_- I'll add more later probably.
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govie80) wrote,
