govie80

Oh yeah... Live Journal

2007-09-20T20:07:23Z

So Sean reminded me that Live Journal exists and that I DO in face have an account. So maybe I should blog? I don't know, call me crazy. Everyone else does.

So, I guess a lot has happened since my last post like TWO YEARS ago. First off, I'm no longer a hermit. I got tired of being solo, but I am still solo ironically. I've done the dating thing, the sex thing, the friend thing... the you name it thing. I've done it with the exception of a relationship. I guess there were a few guys who wanted one, but for whatever reason it didn't happen. I was a little too distant or not interested enough. Or he was too busy or I was too busy... and it sorta slipped away.

I'm at the point where I wish I could fall in love, but I feel blocked to it. I can't tell if it is one of two things. The first could be that I've been hurt so much (mainly from Jamie and a little more from Bryan) that I am going to hold myself back from that all encompassing power and loss of control. As much as I cared for Jeffrey, I'm not sure I could say I TRULY loved him. Then again, I'm looking back from an objective stand point so that might not be a fair assessment either. The other thing is that maybe I'm just older now. I'm more attuned to myself and what I like and what I want, and it is going to take A LOT more to truly feel love. I realize I've fallen for guys with "issues" in the past because of my nurture nature. I want to help people, help them with problems, see them through rough times, etc. This means I usually end up with psychopaths and unstable assholes.

I have so much going on in my life that I don't have a lot of time I can commit to a man. Without that kind of time, I don't see how a good rapport can be made because ... let's face it, I'm a bit flighty. They live in VB or Richmond like 45+ minutes away.... so that would be losing 90+ min a day in travel. Juggle that with work, a dog, and the gym... and then I can't sleep. So I feel like I'm in this "No Man's Land" (no pun intended lol) where I would love a relationship, but I'm unwilling to put the effort into one because I know they just don't work anyways. If it works, it'll work without me having to throw all this extra energy into it. Because I'm not putting extra energy into it, they aren't working, so it is a bit of a catch 22.

Future...

2005-09-22T19:22:46Z

So, I'm going through a ... questioning phase in my life. Do I really want a Ph.D.? What do I want to do once I have to find a "real job?" Am I single? Am I not single? Do I care either way? What do I want to do with my life? What is important to me?

First, a Ph.D. is only a means to an end. So, if it doesn't help me achieve my end, then I don't really want it. This leads to the other questions.

What do I want to do with my life? What kind of real job do I want? Maybe Teaching HS or college. If HS, then fuck a Ph.D. I don't need one if that's the case. If I want to teach college, then that's another thing. Research? Industry? Government Science policy? (sigh) I just don't know anymore. Hell, I never knew... I just kept staying in school avoiding this question I guess.

Then the whole relationship thing. After a number of not so successful tries at them, I've kind of given up. Are Michael and I together? I honestly don't know. He's in FL with no prospect of coming up here and I'm up here with no prospect of going down there. I honestly wouldn't move for anyone anyways. I tried that once with Jamie and that ended up about as bad as I could ever hope to imagine. Do I love him? Yes. I always have and always will. Are we meant to be together? Who the hell knows. -_-

I have come to the conclusion I do NOT need someone to make me happy though. I could be equally as happy single as with someone. I think the largest realization I've had is that I have to make myself happy... and thankfully I've learned to be happy alone. I know what I enjoy and do what I enjoy. I like reading books. I like being at home . . I like being with friends .. watching movies. There are lots of things I like and none of them involve needing someone to "share my life." It'd be nice to share my joys in life with someone ... but I'm not going to worry about being alone and having no one.

Anyways.... they fucked up my paychecks last week... Going with Erica now to see if they have that shit fixed. -_- I'll add more later probably.

Things that make you go Hmmmm.

2005-09-06T14:19:09Z

Well, Mr. Bush (I'd hardly call him President) has once again astounded us with his amazing political skills. Slow and unresponsive to something that ACTUALLY needs attention, he bumbles through trying to save his reputation in New Orleans. Thousands dead and we're still counting while black folk blame white folk for obviously meaning them to die. Why can't they see it isn't racial? It's called economical. It's sad to say, but all poor people were left behind. The Government gives a quick "warning" and you're supposed to take care of yourself, but the poor can't take care of themselves. They don't have the money for a hotel nor the money for gas for a car they don't own. All of their family lives with them leaving no other option but to "tough it out" as those of us hurricane veterans call it.

Perhaps if we could blame the hurricane on Al-quaida (or however it is spelled), he (Mr. Bush) would have been there from day one, making encouraging speeches, sending money out to victims and clearing roads himself. However, he's too busy tracking down people in Iraq who haven't done anything to this country instead of helping the poor, instead of helping those in need. Failure after failure people will still support our cowboy when I would hardly even call him a cowpolk.

On a brighter note, I did get to see my family this weekend. All 4 of my screaming nieces and nephews, my 3 sisters, 2 brother-in-laws, and 1 significant other of a sister. Let me not forget my parents. :D Yummy food and a headache. All in all had a good time and some good wine. Apparently, they went out jetskiing despite the soaring gas prices and also went fishing.

Mostly just played my video game though... WHM70 :D Re-applying for Akui. Blah blah blah. Not much else going on. I just needed to rant a bit.

Ok, so . . . I've been gone -_-

2005-08-10T20:31:11Z

This may very well sum it up. I got this from Aaria in game. :-o

You scored as Ninja. Ninja is your field. You fast, hard to hit, and was built to throw shurikens. You get 2 weapons and you don't mind buying those expensive powders.

</td>

Ninja

66%

Bard

63%

Ranger

59%

Black Mage

59%

Thief

59%

Dragoon

59%

Red Mage

56%

Samurai

56%

White Mage

56%

Paladin

53%

Summoner / Beastmaster

50%

Dark Knight

44%

Warrior

38%

Final Fantasy 11 Job
created with QuizFarm.com

I am currently BRD75 . . . and levelling NIN. LOL People think I'm crazy that I tank and pull. I call them n00bs and then we rake in the experience.

Never ask

2004-11-05T20:33:04Z

Why do people say, "Well, life can't get any worse?" Because that is the first key to being jinxed and fucking up my life. This week (for example) has been a suck-fest to say the least. First I went out to the Cactus on Sunday where I ran into the drag queen (of course). It was mostly icey stairs with "I dare you to say something" looks shot back and forth. Then on the way home (after IHOP), I got pulled over for speeding . . . which I got a ticket for and a breathalyzer (which I passed). Then I realize that I lost my credit card between IHOP and Wawa (Monday at lunch), so roughly in a 12 hour period and I STILL can't manage to find it. This means I need to cancel my card and get yet another one this month and consequently change all my automatic payments. Then, it turns out my NEW roomie is moving out on me on Sunday because it's "too far to bike." WTF! I mean, did he not notice that BEFORE? Did the continent drift enough that a month later, my house is now substantially further from where he works? So now, I'm ALSO having to try to look for a new roommate and THAT sucks because I wish Amanda was my roomie, but I gave her to my friend Tony last week. :( Why ME?!?! (to quote Izma) WHY . . MEEEEEE?!?!

At any rate, work is . . . boring? I mean I have a ton to do, but it is all so tedious and everything takes so much time and I feel like I get nothing done but really I'm doing a lot but not PHYSICALLY doing a lot because everything takes so much time before you can go on to the next step. It's a strange feeling. Doing nothing but getting a lot accomplished? I don't know

And I'm supposed to go to the movies tonight with Erica and Sean, but now I have to stay in to wait for the police to get to my house and I also can't go to SC to homecoming because of all of this stupid roommate stuff. I swear! Owning a house is nothing but a pain in the ass. I'm glad nothing major has broken in the house. GRRRRRRR.

Hello . . . anybody home?

2004-10-30T15:45:15Z

So apparently, I'm a big loser.

I haven't updated this in AGES. All my fans (ha ha ha, yeah right!), are probably about to cry and have given up on me completely. Well, I'm still here and I WILL be updating more diligently now. I last updated before my trip to FL and DC. Well, Dr. K's leaving was DEFINITELY needed. I went to visit Michael and had a GREAT time with him. I hate loving him because it's so right but there is always that little piece of me that is afraid because we ended the first time because things progressed too fast. Technically, I'm still single and I will exercise that right until HE decides to tell me otherwise.

Ryan got the job in Seattle, so he'll be moving. YAY FOR RYAN! Major congrats though it's sad that he'll be moving after just meeting him. I mean, I know he's not moving for a few months, but he will be moving. LOL Or at least I think so. Now he's going through that whole, am I sure I want to move thing? But honestly, I feel he would be retarded not to move. I mean, UGH Richmond. LOL Who wants to live there? It's nice I guess in parts, but overall, it's so divided and bizarre to me. I like Middle Class. I guess that's what I identify with best. Even my uber-rich aunt (I'm gonna be using uber a lot from now on. New word of the year) with tons of money is very down-to-earth. :) I love it.

So, I love Erica. She's my wife. Dr. Kelley (not Dr. K [Kranbuehl]) who is a COMPLETE quack thinks we are married. I think he missed the gay memo. Well, apparently Erica was in class one day with him and they were covering thing film polymers when Dr. Kelley said, "and this is like the research your Erica's husband, Judd, does. Right Erica?" Of course at this point, Erica had to say yes or no, but there were two problems. One, I DO do research like that but, TWO, I'm not her husband. So she said YES, without correcting the small oversite of me being gay and not married to her. Now you are completely caught up on my married joke.

Hell, Dr. Kelley greeted me the other day in the chemistry building, and Dr. Thompson (my favorite professor), he was in front of him. It was actually embarrassing. I was waving to Dr. T and Dr. Kelley thought I was waving at him and he waved at me. At this point, I couldn't ignore the man and I wanted to make him feel better even though he doesn't deserve it, so I waved at him and he greeted me as if I was his long lost nephew. The amusing part is that Dr. T called me 2 hours later and commented on it. "I thought he didn't like you. For not liking you he probably gave you best greeting you've had from anyone in the past 6 months." It's true. The man is uber-fake. ;-) Or at least that's my opinion.

And I love Jen. LOL She turned 21. She's like my little sister that I already have. LOL We all went to the Greenleafe and got her trashed for her birthday and I had to pretend to be her b/f because one of these "guys" was there and I don't know what her relation to him is other than she can do MUCH better than that. The cutest was when I was leaving, she asked if she could kiss me. So she did. :-D YAY girly kiss.

What else? Halloween dilemmas. I have to decide what to be for tomorrow as soon as possible. It's either Mad Scientist or Cowboy. I'm pretty much down to those two. I could wear a labcoat from work and bring in a beaker or something and some goggles. But how boring is that? I could say the stains are old blood LMAO. ? But then a cowboy is sexier and I could go to the thrift stores to get the boots and a leather vest and/or chaps. :) That's SEXY But we'll see. I need to go to the thrift stores today to look though. Damn I need motivation.

Though I'm wondering if I should even try because Louisa (I'm not about to explain who she is), told me that Chyna [Eugene] will have me kicked out of the Cactus (the club I'm going to) if I show up on a night she is performing. Chyna/Eugene is one of my former roomies who broke into my bedroom, stole the lease etc. :) Luckily I have a detective on the case and I'm more and more confident the case is building against him and her cohort.

Speaking of which, I need to shower and shave because she's going with me to the police station to write an affidavit (sp?) on what she knows/saw. She's moving to CA with her husband. (sigh) That makes things more complicated but luckily Barnaby (the guy Kevin confessed to) is still around. I just need to find him and talk to him (or have the police do it). Ok, so I'm off!

Blazé

2004-10-02T12:05:25Z

So I just woke up and thought I would get some news online. Lo and behold, Scott messages me to just randomly say good morning which kinda pepped up my day. He reminds me of the bisexual guy I dated in a lot of ways, but gay. That is ALSO weird because I talked to Bryan (bisexual guy) last night for awhile. It was all kind of strange, and quasi reminiscent. Neither of us will say it but I think we both "wish" we were together still because we just meshed very well. I also think we are both not willing to do it though because we both fucked up in different ways and for different reasons. I know that's a little vague but you'd have to ask me for more details on that one. LOL

My personal life always seems topsy turvy at best. I'm glad I've decided to put my professional and domestic life before my personal life because those are the only two I can control (and I use that word loosely). Dr. K is NOT easy to control or to even handle. Thankfully, he's going out of town on the 8th of October (to France), and the day after I fly to Jax, FL to see Michael. Then we are flying back to DC for varying reasons, me to see Margaret Cho and Michael to interview with the State department. "I'm so PROUD of him (tears up)."

And I'm sore. Mondo-sore. Like, I want someone to massage my legs kind of sore. But I must do this because my self-image is dwindling fast and I have physical goals that I want to meet, certain pants I want to wear, and certain men who need to find me SHEXIE. :)

So, yeah. Everything is "back to normal." Don came in to "steal" my dog. He wakes me up to ask me if he can take him to a big yard with a fence where he can play all day. I would be a mean dad if I said no, so of course I said yes, but jesus. Don't wake me up. And he IS my dog, not yours. Luckily I'm too tired to be adamant and hardcore about this. So I'll just stop my bitching.

Kranny in the canny

2004-09-30T20:59:47Z

I hate the man. He can make me want to cry. I just don't know what to do anymore. :( Dr. Kranbuehl is completely unreasonable. He makes it sound like I'm unorganized and unprepared. It's more like, I have 5 billion projects going on and no time when they are "due" so I work on them all haphazardly and then he'll come in and expect results from proj #51 when I haven't worked on that in 3 weeks cause I'm on #23.

Then he yells at me for 90 minutes because the scales on my graphs aren't EXACTLY the same and things aren't SUPER DOOPER labelled with every detail. I could understand this being a big deal if I didn't know the information and if it wasn't saved on the computer file etc. BUT IT IS. And when I say that I have the information, but that it isn't printed on this slide, he just says . . "I DON'T CARE! I want it on every slide, how am I supposed to know?" etc Ok, he HAS a point, but he also comes in without any notice and doesn't give me time to get things prepared. And I can't make all of the graphs with the same scales until I've made them all. :( I can keep all my shit organized and I can get it all together for a presentation and have it right, but there is no NEED to waste time putting amazing labels on every piece of paper when most don't mean anything and will never be used. It's an extreme waste of effort.

I feel like that's what this lab is all about. Wasting effort to appease the evil Dr. And I feel super fat too. This is making me miserable. I think I'm gonna stop eating again. It's the only efficient means I have of losing weight. I'm really getting in a slump. :( I hope I go to Richmond this weekend. I need to get away and relax and just have fun quite honestly. My life is anything BUT fun at the moment. I want to crawl in a hole and drown. Or die . . . or whatever it is those hole dwelling creatures do. GRRRRR.

Love huh?

2004-09-29T21:32:25Z

So I decided to take an online quiz. LOL You're shocked? Never! Well, believe it! I did. It's at www.okcupid.com Take it and tell me where you rank. :) I think this actually is RATHER true and revealing. :-D What are you?

The Gentleman
Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLMm)

Steady & mature. You are The Gentleman.

For anyone looking for an even-keeled, considerate lover, you're their man. You're sophisticated. You know what you want both in a relationship and outside of it. You have a substantial romantic side, and you're experienced enough sexually to handle yourself in that arena, too. Your future relationships will be long-lasting; you're classic "marrying material," a prize in the eyes of many.

It's possible that behind it all, you're a bit of a male slut. Your best friends know that in relationships you're fundamentally sex-driven. You're a safe, reliable guy, who does get laid. In a lot of ways, you're like a well-worn, comfortable pair of socks. Did you ever jack off into one of those? All the time.

Your ideal mate is NOT a nut-job. He is giving and loving, like you, but also experienced. Avoid the The False Messiah at all fucking costs.

For my sakes

2004-09-27T22:44:53Z

All names shall be changed and some events shall be left unsaid for fear of incrimination. LOL I think I need code for my close friends. Grrrr.

But anyways, went to Richmond on Saturday after my nephew's birthday party.

Sadly, there was much less drama than originally anticipated with the birthday celebrations. My sister's (Samantha) FRIEND (yes, I did make that singular) is funny. I never really got to talk to her one on one before. Britney and new wife of ex fiance actually got along this time, but then again the girl IS nice even if she trapped my sister's ex fiance into marriage with a baby! Story of the century, I know.

I got home and then headed to richmond AFTER cleaning my carpets and cleaning everywhere so that my possible new roommate could have a good impression of my home. Thank you mom and dad for aiding me in this endeavor!

So, I arrive in Richmond and hang out with Ryan (who is absolutely fabulous [no pun intended Eddy]). :) I saw his house and then he showed me Carytown and the Fan and downtown (though I was SLIGHTLY familiar with this area). I'm actually surprised how non-ghetto the part of Richmond was he showed me. LOL Of course if I was showing someone Norfolk I would skip half of Granby Street! Of course we ALL know what part I'm talking about. LOL It's amazing how small population-wise Richmond is . . for it to be so city-ish whereas Norfolk/VB is bigger and so much more suburban-ish. C'est la vie I suppose.

Then we ended up at Godfrey's and danced and drank. It WAS very Asian. LOL Kung Pow Chicken Combo #2! This IS an inside joke and I'm not gonna tell most of you what it means. But I think you would all laugh, a lot, um . . hysterically . . and pee in your pants. I'm not wiping it up! I said no. Then sleepy time (and we hit NO cars) yay!

Woke up and went around Carytown again and grabbed some brunch and I bought Medulla (YAY GREAT CD!) I love Bjork. Watched Ab Fab and then I came home :( I didn't want to leave. I was having wayyyyy too much fun. But such is the way of things I suppose. :(

I got back JUST in time for the guy coming to look at my place. Luke is . . . cool. I mean he seems like a nice guy. 23, looks 15. Lots of tattoos and piercings, not my type at all (not that tatts and piercings AREN'T), but he's just not. I'm thankful. I don't like sexual tension. So he gave me a $150 so far . . and he is gonna move in this next weekend! So, that makes me happy. That should help my current financial issues a little. Then, I passed out at 7 pm. :(

I was supposed to call Ryan to let him know I got home ok, and I didn't. I hate when shit like that happens. I feel like an insensitive, uncaring fag. I'm not. I just fell asleep. I'm ok. I promise. LOL

So, I slept 12 hours and woke up in time for work. It was ok. Boring same stuff. Did some spreadsheet/graph stuff. Chinese. Then Kranbuehl decided we may order another impedance analyzer! YAY. I hope so, ours SUCK royally. Ok, now I'm home. LOL and we are all caught up.

Prison, me? NEVER!

2004-09-25T13:55:26Z

If this weren't probably so damn near true!

Your LJ Prison by redfrog021
Username
Favorite Deadly Sin
You are convicted of	Stalking the Hobbitses
And sentenced to	2 years
Warden	stronggay
Abusive redneck guard	chachy46
Easy to bribe guard	robotkillah
Cellmate	daydreaminboi
Wants to make you their bitch	cronkite82
Drops soap in the shower on purpose	glenncwright
Works in the laundry and smells people's undies	chachy46
Comes to see you for 'conjugal visits'	glenncwright

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Erm y cosas

2004-09-25T13:36:12Z

Well, I've been advised to make my journal entries more . . . um, dare I say it? FLAMBOYANT. I already feel I blab far too long as it is, but I take Flamboyant as meaning lengthier and bitchier (I think I reached the height of my bitchiness last week).

So, for anyone NOT caught up on my family's drama, I'll tell you why today is going to suck. Well, one! I'm going to a 1 y/o's birthday party. Why do people have them? The kid doesn't know. It's not my sister's first child. It's a means of extorting friends and family for presents which is ok when it is MY birthday but it should be a National holiday (we've discussed this). Straying from the point, speaking of which I need to make my second larger point. TWO! My sister (Britney) was previously engaged to Aaron (guy in the Air Force). Ok, I'll back up again for those who REALLY do not know my family. I have 3 sisters, Bernie, Samantha, and Britney. Bernie is 35 and lives in Hanover Co (Richmond metro) and works for Bank of America she also has two sons (Nicholas [6] and Carson [2]). Samantha is 31, lives in York Co VA, and is a stay at home mother who helps her husband with his business and she has a son and a daughter (Harper [4] and Dalton [1 today]). Britney is my next door neighbor (woo hoo!) and she's 23. We're like fraternal twins. We don't remember not being around each other. AFter the debacle in NY with said ex crazy person, I moved in with her and her fiance Aaron.

An insane series of events led to her calling off the wedding. They took the incorrect phones and Aaron's ex happened to call Aaron's phone which Britney had. Well, this wouldn't be bad but they had JUST bought new phones and new numbers. Britney asks Aaron if he has talked to said-ex at all recently. "No." Well how does the bitch have this number. Which he tries to rationalize as . .. "my grandmother may have given it to her." Someone REALLY needs to learn to lie better. So, now my sister is annoyed and decides to snoop (as do I in such a case, we really are twins). She hacks into his email (god, that's not reminiscent of me AT ALL). LOL Low and behold she finds an email he sent her and one she sent him). Hmmmmmm. The plot thickens. LOL Then she sees a girl from Turkey sent an email to Turkey and it says normal stuff but with "Love X" at the end (she had a fucked up name I can't remember). Hmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! The plot thickened so much you could make jello. Ok? Britney asks Aaron if he hung out with anyone in Turkey while he was deployed there. He says no . . . (by the way, he's stupid). Never lie. Britney then confronts him with the email. Blah blah blah . . . running through the streets of Hampton in my old neighborhood with crying and shouting. Needless to say, I stayed home and watched TV. I've never been one for drama. Well, my sister ends up dating while he goes away to Turkey. Of course she was upfront with him about it because she felt she needed to see what other people had to offer. She quickly broke off the engagement (which I think was uber-courageous of her). Then their relationship fell apart. I bought my condo and she quickly bought the condo next to me.

So today! I'll be in a room, with Britney, Aaron, and Aaron's wife. (blinks) ... (blinks) ... DRAMA. It should almost be interesting. Seeing as how Aaron's wife got knocked up after 3 months of dating. And Aaron's bitchy grandmother will be there who hated Britney for living with Aaron (her baby grandson). Let's keep in mind this vile woman was knocked up and that was the reason SHE got married. And once Britney was out of the picture, her grandson accomplished the same feat. Oh yeah, Aaron is Samantha's Husband's nephew. Now are you really confused? LOL I'm barely able to keep track and I know everyone.

So, today is family drama day. For a ONE year old's birthday which he won't even remember. Why do we subject ourselves to this? I mean really.

I think I'm going to Richmond tonight. (bites nails). Not only do I feel the need to bring my kevlar vest but I get scared meeting people. Not scared, anxious? Ok, scared. That whole, will they think I'm annoying thing or maybe they will think I'm ugly and I just posted really good pictures or any number of things. I think it's a paranoia with me. Then again I cant' count the number of people who don't talk to me anymore after meeting me.

On a happier note, Michael said he loves me again. Even though he lives impossibly far away and we won't be together anytime soon, it's still nice to know that someone out there cares. Ok, my dog is whining to go out! I'll be back later!

Options

2004-09-21T18:47:36Z

So, why do I usually have NO options and then I have 3 billion? I just want one at a time so I don't get all confused. I get confused enough as it is. And now I need to pee. I should do something in this lab too. (sigh) I think I'll clean.

Working my way up

2004-09-18T16:35:46Z

So I got to hang out with Mike last night and that was awesome. We watched both Kill Bills (I had already seen Vol 1 and he had seen neither!). James is coming over to hang out and have coffee this morning. I'm finally getting social interaction away from school. I think that was my problem this week. I just needed to sit and talk with someone and stop feeling sorry for myself. I knew it too and when everyone was like . . . nope nope nope . . no hanging out for you it just kinda was making things worse instead.
School will get to wind down a bit now. I finished printing a ton of pictures for my research and doing all this Tg stuff. Dr. Kranbuehl just needs to CHILL OUT.

In Summary,
Life's a little better
School's not so hectic
Dr. K is a crackhead

Blah

2004-09-16T23:48:42Z

You are all fired. All of you. People suck. You're a person. That means you suck too. Deal.

Wow, talk about a bad week

2004-09-15T23:55:22Z

So . . . wow.

I just found out I'm ALMOST good enough to be a Ph.D. student. I only passed 3 of the 4 written exams on my qualifiers. I'd rather they either PASS me or FAIL me. I mean, they know I'm good enough (I think), so just pass me. If I'm not good enough, fail me. Don't dick me around for another 6 months. I have research to get done, I don't need to waste my time studying for the same test again on material that I thought was easy.

I think I forgot to mention I'm STILL in lab at 7:50 pm. I mean this is crapola. I don't want to be here? I want to be at home relaxing from my stressful week, BUT NO. I'm doing work for Dr. Kranbuehl. I think he is gonna make bigger and bigger appearances in my journal. For starters, today he apparently is VERY upset that he hasn't seen me in THE lab (MS Hall 307) for days. But then he is bitching at me about not being able to get these pictures done by Friday. I finally snapped back. I was like I was here until 11 pm, don't accuse me of not spending time in lab, even though it's not the one YOU check every day, twice a day. I can hop over there if he wants, but it'll be a waste of my time.

That's what I feel most things are, a waste of my time. Kevin, My professor, these tests, most people. It's sad. It's starting to add up to that.

Gee Zus

2004-09-14T00:02:26Z

Well, wow. That's what I have to say. This weekend was great and terrible all at the same time. I got to see Michael again and that was amazing. I absolutely love him. We got to hold hands and such (be imaginative with and such) but it's more than that. He just feels so good near me no matter what. We were going to Jamestown but that costs like $12 now! WTF! That's outrageous. So instead we went to Norfolk to go to McArthur Center Mall which was closed cause it was Sunday so we got drinks at Hell's Kitchen (yay). We were going to the Cactus but it was early so we went to the Oceanfront and got ice cream at Dairy Queen.

This is where is started to go downhill. After buying ice cream we walked along the oceanfront laughing and talking. When we got back the car was gone cause the fuckers TOWED THE CAR! So much for paying customers having rights. LOL Michael of course was furious and I was fairly upset. So we had to walk to the tow company and pay $85 to get the car. Well we got back watched Adult Swim and "slept." :)

Well, this morning my neighbor informed me that Kevin (my former roommate) stole the lease out of my bedroom. I ran upstairs to find out that she was right. OMFG I died. I would have stabbed his neck with a glass blade if he was there. What did they think I would do? Just accept that he BROKE INTO MY BEDROOM? Then continued to STEAL a legal document that did NOT belong to him? JESUS!

Ok, so I called the police. Burglary isn't fun. The officer was nice and he said he believes me (DUH!). LOL Kevin has been arrested like 5 times in the past 6 months. Luckily, Kevin was stupid enough to brag about having stole the lease from me. I have a copy of the lease in my computer so I think I have the upperhand legally. Everyone else has seen the lease he HAD signed too. I really hope this fucker goes down because I've been way too nice and now I'm the one getting fucked.

On an up-note, I reported Eugene his b/f to the Polk County Sheriff's department. :-D OOPSIE? Don't fuck with me. I think that's the lesson to learn. Or it will be when everything goes down. Ok, now I have to work like a 60 hour week at school to get my stuff done and I need to get some sleep, so g'night. And if you see Kevin kick ass his ass!

Cleaning

2004-09-12T03:53:23Z

Ok, I hate cleaning as it is. Now I'm having to clean up after a roommate that moved out with ZERO notice. You better believe I'm pissed. My arm hurts from scrubbing the BROWN shower (that should be white). I had to clean the WHITE mirror (which should reflect) and the dingy sink and green counter (which should also be white). LOL Needless to say when I go to his command saying he owes me over $4000 there will be a hefty cleaning fee. LOL you better BELIEVE IT!

LOL

2004-09-11T20:50:09Z

I really need to clean but I can't help but keep doing this stupid quizes. This one is so funny! LMAO Ok. I'm so anti-ghetto. I make FUN of ghetto people. Especially WHITE ghetto people because . . . well they SHOULD know better quite honestly. Why try to be something you aren't especially when it isn't even better than you are. At any rate, enough ranting. let me show you my Gangsta side! :) This is how Gangsta the quiz said I was.

Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn

What is yo name?

Yo gangsta name be

Cold Bull Dodga

You ride around in a

Neon Pink H2 Hummer

Yo gang

Tha Vanilla Icers

Yo shoes be

Baby-blue Timberlands

Yo dubs be dis big, fool

3,766

How much money you got?

$3.27110395809035e+26

How gangsta are you, bitch?: 85%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Try not to laugh. It sounds like I'm a gay gang. But a profitable one. Who wants to join yo? LOL What are dubs by the way? Oh, W's . . as in Wheels? Oh my god.

Again?

2004-09-11T20:46:12Z

Ok, I'm only adding this because it's SO freakishly true. Damn things.

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	eyes
best personality trait:	caring
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	no
when will you get married?	May 4, 2014
your kiss is:	fiery
People date you because:	you're kind

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Oh my

2004-09-11T19:48:33Z

What Are You Most Likely to Utter During Sex by UMAJohnnie
Name
Sexuality
Age
Most Likely to Say	"It's not that it was bad..."

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Music

2004-09-11T19:45:23Z

Ok, random thought that needs jotting down. Music is important to me. I need to really get back into ensemble performing. Anyone know how to play any instruments? Me and a friend are trying to put a group together. Anyways. LOL Yeah.

New Beginning--a history to get you up to date

2004-09-11T18:55:39Z

Well where do I begin?

I broke down and started one of these Live Journal things. Everyone else I know has one and I felt like a loser always having to explain the same stupid crap over and over and over again. I figure this is an easier way to keep people uptodate without having to put TOO much effort in.

Well, I'm almost 25 (will be in January) and things have changed so much. I'm barely the person I remember being. I used to be a pushover and fat and too nice. Even though I still feel like all 3 I'm not as much of any of them anymore (did that make sense). I'm not as fat that's for sure. And I do stand up for myself occasionally and once I get pushed far enough I can be evil. Though I think all of these changes have been because of relationships and friends of which I'll give a brief history.

I was 100% closeted through High School. I went to College in SC to get as far away from friends and family so I could come out. It was exactly what I needed even though SC is the most hideous state ever, but aside from that I got to come out to all of my friends and family (which worked out for the better).

I dated occasionally and by occasionally I mean every 2 years. I felt destined to be alone and unwanted. Though the two big things then were Michael and Jamie. Michael was my first b/f and he went to USC (by the way we're STILL amazingly good friends and he's actually on his way to see me now from FL). :-D Jamie was my b/f (lover?) of a year. He proposed to me and everything in December of 2001 and I moved to NY with him in June of 2002 whereupon he decided I was using him for money and swiftly kicked me back to VA.

Lets keep in mind I graduated from college in June of 2002. I lost all of my friends, my raison d'etre and purpose, and the "love of my life" as I saw him. Devastated isn't even the word. I felt lower the death. I wanted to commit suicide to end the pain cause I felt so hideous. But I just had to keep my head up and keep driving 10 hours back home. :( It was the worst experience of my entire existence. If you want the full story, just ask. That is a VERY simplified version. In the end he became the biggest egotistical self-absorbed asshole ever. :-D but you didn't hear that from me.

Anyways, I worked at Ruby Tuesday for a year serving and bartending. I dated a bisexual guy and a few others. I decided to go back to grad school because a restaurant isn't something I wanted to do forever. I lived with my sister till she broke off her engagement with her fiance and then I bought my own condo and got a dog (who is curled up on the chair across from me looking as cute as possible).

Once in grad school, I felt like me again, the old student of years (ok one year) past. I dated here and there nothing great, and ended up with Jeffrey, a bipolar former meth addict. I loved him. But it wasn't enough and he pushed me away and that's that. In the end I was happy it ended cause I don't need that. I probably learned the most from this relationship. I think I really had to grow up during it.

So now I've been single a few months since then with my first b/f ever coming to visit. I just finished my qualifying exams for grad school. It seems like everything is coming to some big point. No more tests. My first b/f ever visiting. I can't really describe it. It's like this bizarre sense of serenity of not caring about what is going on because it seems like fate is at work. You can struggle against things and fight them, but why? If things end, they end. If things happen, they happen. Personal decisions don't seem to really alter the final outcome much.

I guess I've learned to be true to myself and to really appreciate myself. I guess I couldn't do that before. So I'm starting again. Trying to record what happens so one, I can remember it, and two, others know what the hell has happened to me to make these changes. At any rate, I've rambled about myself way too long.

I really need to clean so my house guests tonight dont' feel like I'm a pig. Life's been busy with school lately and dates. Not that I date a lot, but I just like to meet people. I figure the more people I meet, the more likely I am to find a soulmate. (notice A soulmate, not THE soulmate). God, I really need to clean Kevin's room/bathroom. (sigh) I need to take pictures of it before I do though so I can take it to his command and get the money. Oh, that sounds random. LOL If you aren't current on that situation. Ask. LOL Ok, more rambling. I'm out.